This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
