he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
