Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
