You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
