Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
