peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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