Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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