I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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