Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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