new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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