Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Randomize
