i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
