I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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