Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
