I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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