You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
