Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Randomize
