On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
