Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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