nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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