Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
