yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
