Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
