She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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