I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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