May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
