is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
