Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
