We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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