so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
