I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
