we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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