God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
