I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
