She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
