ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How naked do you want me to be?
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