and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
