matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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