Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
