He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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