God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
