Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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