This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
