forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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