I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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