I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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