i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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