I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
