so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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