go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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