Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
FUCK WHALES
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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