Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
